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With the courage, honesty, and compassion that have made her one of America's most provocative authorities on modern culture, bell hooks takes on the interior lives of men and answers their most intimate questions about love.
Everyone needs to love and be loved -- even men. In this groundbreaking book, bell hooks gets to the heart of the matter and shows men how to express the emotions that are a fundamental part of who they are -- whatever their age, ethnicity, or cultural persuasion.
Written in response to the author's in-depth discussions with men who were inspired by her trilogy, All About Love, Salvation, and Communion, bell hooks's The Will to Change addresses maleness and masculinity in new and challenging ways. With trademark candor and fierce intelligence, hooks answers the most common concerns of men, such as fear of intimacy and loss of their patriarchal place in society. She believes men can find the way to spiritual unity by getting back in touch with the emotionally open part of themselves. Only through this liberation will they lay claim to the rich and rewarding inner lives that have historically been the exclusive province of women. Men can access these feelings by giving themselves permission to be vulnerable. As they grow more comfortable and start believing that it's okay to feel, to need, and to desire, they will thrive as equal partners in their intimate relationships.
Whether they are straight or gay, black or white, The Will to Change helps men to reclaim the best part of themselves.
- Sales Rank: #1145152 in Books
- Brand: ATRIA
- Published on: 2003-12-30
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.76" h x .80" w x 5.77" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 208 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From Publishers Weekly
A companion to We Real Cool: Black Men and Masculinity, hooks's 23rd book for adults is a fierce, quirky denunciation of patriarchy and a clarion call to the uncommitted to align themselves with visionary radical feminism. In 12 slim chapters, hooks examines the stages of a man's life, from babyhood through boyhood to the teenage years into manhood. She finds patriarchy plays a role in most socio-sexual ills, as boys and men seek alienating sex as a substitute for the love that often seems, because of demands on families that destroy them or keep them from forming, unavailable to men: "Sex, then, becomes for most men a way of self-solacing. It is not about connecting to someone else but rather releasing their own pain." The men who can lead us out of patriarchal chains are "men of color from poor countries, men who live in exile, men who have been victimized by imperialist male violence"-the Dalai Lama for example. While she calls Will Smith films such as Men in Black and Independence Day tools of the patriarchy, hooks saves her big guns for J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter books, scornfully exposing them as foisted on us by "rich white American men" and no more than updated version of the British schoolboy books that fueled the fantasies of Victoria's empire. A better book to buy for children, she suggests, might be her own recent Be Bop Buzz. Hooks is always readable, but her takes on mass media here have a retro ring to them.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
Review
George Weinberg author of Why Men Won't Commit Compelling study of the culture's unfairness to men. -- Review
About the Author
bell hooks is the author of more than sixteen works on feminist theory and cultural criticism, including Remembered Rapture, Killing Rage, Ain't I a Woman, All About Love, and Rock My Soul. She lives in New York City.
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 6 people found the following review helpful.
Changed my life.
By Raiza Lisboa
Growing up in a conservative, religious environment, I was often taught to stay away from feminist books, with the caution that they would poison my mind. Contrary to that advice, I have found nothing more liberating than to read books that validate my experience, and interrupt the silent hatred that has bubbled in my being as a result of witnessing the patriarchy at play.
In The Will to Change, bell hooks isn't spreading concepts of feminism through a binary lens of men vs. women. She claims that believing in a concept of male supremacy is as erroneous as spreading ideas of female supremacy. In order for the feminist movement to progress, we need men. Period. She posits that women need a space to process the experiences of living in a patriarchal society, and that we need a space to acknowledge and expose the feelings that arose and still linger as a result of said experiences. We need to engage in our own healing so we can form alliances with men. Patriarchy has no gender, y'all. We are all victims, and must work together to dismantle it.
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
A great primer for any man looking to change.
By Christopher L. Halverson
Short review—a great primer for any man looking to change.
Just a touch of back story. As a kid I saw the Old Boys Club antagonize my mom in all kinds of nasty ways, so I decided my way of being a man would be to “do no harm” essentially embrace a sort of neutral passivity… which kinda worked, but I’ve found passivity allows the patriarchy to still hold sway, and I am often still complicit.
So, I’ve been exploring what a healthy assertive masculinity would look like. A friend of mine recommended bell hook’s book “The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love” saying it is the only book out there addressing Alternative Masculinity.
“The Will To Change” is a broad description of what the Patriarchy does to men—Dr. hooks describes a totalized system, I have to admit I’ve not experienced all the manifestations of patriarchy described, but I’d imagine that just means I’m either lucky or have some blinders.
What follows are a few points made throughout the book:
-Patriarchy does not allow for relationship
Dr. hooks begins with the statement that women fear men, for we are a constant threat of violence to them. She uses an intense example by Barbara Deming, who describes the first time she felt true intimacy with her father, which was when she held his corpse. It was the first time there was no threat of violence in him.
Put simply, Patriarchy involves domination, and love and domination can’t coexist. So, all intimacy within patriarchal culture is pretend intimacy.
-The Patriarchy involves Domination
Men living under the Patriarchy are constantly asking where they are on the social pecking order. There can be no sign of weakness.
Instead of finding self-esteem in a man’s individual identity it is always found in relation to other men. Any sign of weakness is shamed. The question is always “who is on top?” “who is dominating who?”. One of the silly thing men often do is answer questions even if they don’t know the right answer, or were not asked the question—this is because not having the answer causes shame and shows weakness. So, mansplaining, for example, is an attempt to not be shamed.
-“Psychic self-mutilation”
Boys become men when they learn to stop expressing their emotions. This is a horrendous loss, and within the Patriarchy manhood is reaffirmed by learning to only grieve this loss in private. Dr. hooks suggests the anti-social stage of development in boys may in fact be the point at which they learn to stop expressing their emotions.
There are multiple masks men learn to use to hide this grief and other emotions. In general the mask is compartmentalization. This causes men to distrust everyone, after all if they are masking their pain, everyone is lying. Often times boys living in anti-patriachal homes lead a double life at home and at school.
Additionally, Workaholism is a mask that is rewarded and encouraged by pretty much everyone. Work is a place to escape the self. It encourages a sense of separate spheres, men work and make money, women work at home and do the emotional work for men.
Another major mask is sex. The Patriarchy has told men that sex is the only space for intimacy and release of emotions. This causes men to have a constant sense of sexual scarcity, after all they are told sex does the work of all passions, sensualities, and relationships. “All human needs are promised to us by way of sex and sexuality.” It isn’t put in its proper place as “one pleasure among many pleasures.”
Dr. hooks warns women ought not ignore the pain the Patriarchy inflicts upon men, as they too can be socialized into psychic self-mutilation.
-Change is hard
Popular culture props up the Patriarchy, even when it tries to be thoughtful about masculinity. For example, American Beauty, Life as a House, and Monsters Ball all depict men critically reflecting upon their emotional life, and they all end up dead. Who would choose to embrace a practice that he is told will lead to his destruction?
Men are often bought off by the Patriarchy. Dr. hooks describes a gentle quiet feminist man who assumed a macho persona and was rewarded for it. Women were drawn to him, he was noticed publically and professionally, and “his feminism ceased.”
At times mainstream feminism gives men who want to change mixed messages, “Hold onto ideas about strength and providing for others… while dropping your investment in domination and add an investment in emotional growth.”
It’s important to remember that women also enforce patriarchal norms. The following conversation is a norm:
“How do you feel?”
“Like there is something missing, I’m in pain and I think society hates me.”
“Shut-up.”
Similarly, men recovering from substance abuse often have the experience of being told by their partner, “Now that you are sober you no longer need to express your feelings.”
Finally, as long as the Patriarchy is the water in which we swim, men who want to change will be left resource-less. “Men will never receive support from patriarchal culture for their emotional development.”
-But it is worth it
“Anytime a single male dares to transgress patriarchal boundaries in order to love, the lives of women, men, and children are fundamentally changed for the better.”
4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Great book. bell hooks is one of our most ...
By Ken Roth
Great book. bell hooks is one of our most prominent scholars who makes feminism accessible to everyone, and also demonstrates the benefits of a feminist perspective for everyone, not just women. This is appropriate for both genders, especially men. Her perspective on patriarchy outlines how its continued social organization is detrimental to all of us equally. I found her work revealed pain I couldn't previously have recognized or uncovered.
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